Emotional Intelligence : Take Charge of Your Emotions
by - NC Sharma
I am reminded of a quote by
Aristotle which says “Anybody can become
angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right
degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way using
the right words - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy” and
if someone is capable of conforming to the parameters laid down above in the
process of getting angry he really needs to be appreciated for the emotional
balance that he displays.
Emotional Intelligence in a way
involves the appropriate modulation of all such criteria’s laid down for
various emotions whether it is Anger, Depression, Fear, Hatred, Happiness,
Frustration, Enthusiasm or others.
“What is Emotional Intelligence” has
been splendidly explained by Daniel Goleman in his books Emotional Intelligence & Working with Emotional Intelligence but how it is imbibed by
the individual is the million dollar question that needs to be pondered. Not
that it cannot be acquired but there has to be either a family conditioning
since childhood, followed by social conditioning and later by educational
conditioning in order to have the proper balance of emotions. A strong
determination to become emotionally stable and aware of where the inner radar
is carrying you in the storm of emotions that keep flowing in the mind can also
help to achieve emotional intelligence but this is relatively a uphill task
as one needs to wipe off the skewed emotions that exist due to the programming
from childhood .
If I were to ask you why do most men become more balanced and rational in the process of acquiring age? The reply probably would be that he has experienced the world in many ways, in different situations and has probably come to the conclusion that he himself is responsible for the good or bad that he has faced in life. This probably will give my readers a suitable base to get into the frame of mind that “Feelings are not what happens to you, but they are rather what happen inside you”. Feelings being the seed for emotions need to be dealt with in a manner that they do not germinate out of proportion.
Therefore in the first place it is
necessary that we be consciously aware of our self. Self awareness helps in
understanding the emotions that prevail in the mind and debar the feelings to
take charge. The habit of self awareness can only come by having an honest look
at one self and taking responsibility for the cause and effect of the feeling.
This in turn would help them to know and own up their strengths and weakness so
as to be intuitive, rational, mature and not let the emotion go out of control.
The ability to regulate and modulate
the acquired self awareness in the right direction is yet another challenge in
the process of Emotional intelligence. Smiling in the face of defeat may not
necessarily convey the right message to the observers. It could be that the
individual has accepted his fate and has modulated his emotions with the determination to work upon the weakness and come up with better results in the
next attempt. That’s why they say that failures are some- times the pillars of
success. It eventually means that the game-changer is not the result, but the
manner in which the result has been perceived by the individual.
Unfortunately the motivation to modulate and navigate the adverse situations that we face in life in the right direction in future lacks in most cases and we get bogged down and hopeless quite easily. Rolling with the punches that life gives us, with the determination to stand up and walk is what motivation is all about. This motivation can only come from the level of confidence and determination that on is capable of acquiring in that situation. Some-times this motivation can be imbibed from the interaction with our loved ones or friends but unless it is retained by the individual it is short lived.
The essence of self regulation is
therefore the ability to control yourself from not getting too angry, too
jealous , too depressed or too impulsive and strive towards being thoughtful,
ready to change, accept facts and display integrity. The implosion and
explosion levels need to be in control irrespective of the feeling prevailing
in the mind. That’s the challenge.
For the lost of a loved one, how
much grief is appropriate is not the question but how it is being manifested is
the issue. Almost all have the same amount of grief but different people
display it differently. An emotionally balanced person would have a more calm
disposition in such situations.
So far as emotional balance is
concerned the essence is that the individual has to take charge of his life and
not attribute it to the outside world and play the blame game. If I am not in a
job that I aspired its because I did not take the right route during my study
period. That’s it. More than that, the ability to forgive not only others but
also oneself is essential in this journey of emotional intelligence. The frame
of mind to be able to see a silver lining in the dark clouds of life will build
the quality that everything in life happens for a reason. Therefore during
adversity to be hopeful and courageous enough to strive to avert the situation
is the frame of mind that we can say is Emotional intelligence.
During my training sessions on the subject of Emotional Intelligence some of the questions that I am frequently asked are:
- Does IQ Intelligence Quotient and emotional intelligence have any correlation ?
- How can we assess that our emotional Intelligence is up to the desired levels ?
- Self Awareness being the first step to enhance Emotional Intelligence how do we attain it?
- How do we know that, what we know about our-self is honest and not ego based?
- How do we modulate our emotions in a materialistic world where greed, hatred and jealousy is prevalent?
- How do we get to know the ideal way to respond to an adverse stimulus?
Let us know about this article Emotional Intelligence : Take Charge of Your Emotions and please comment your views and thoughts too. Also please do visit our youtube channel and subscribe our channel Sab Kuch Online for more informative video.
2 Comments
Very nice..
ReplyDeleteThank you
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